Do What You Have To Do
by Tari Elensar
Summary: Lily has a secret. Will it be revealed sixteen years too late? - [Chapter 3 is finally up!]
1. Hold On

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Title: Do What You Have To Do

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Chapter: 1/? - Hold On

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Author: Tári Elensar

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Email: tari_elensar@hotmail.com

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Category: Lily/Lucius, angst, romance

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Spoilers: All Books – Not so much Order of the Phoenix however as I am pretending that most of that book didn't actually happen. 

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Rating: PG-13 

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Summary: Lily has a secret. Will it be revealed sixteen years too late?

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Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own anything but my words. The characters and most of the places belong to a very talented lady named J. K. Rowling. I am not making money off this fanfiction. All lyrics are from Sarah McLachlan songs. I wouldn't even attempt to take credit for those strokes of genius. 

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Author's Note: This fic was originally posted on the 20th of April but due to "things" happening, I'm doing a re-post. Thanks to Nate for pointing out my rather stupid mistake and thanks to anyone that ever read or reviewed this fic. ^_^ 

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Hold on

Hold on to yourself for this is gonna hurt like hell

Hold on

Hold on to yourself

You know that only time can tell

What is it in me that refuses to believe

This isn't easier than the real thing

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A very pregnant, very distressed Lily Potter eased herself down onto the couch in her large but modestly decorated living room. She placed her hands over her stomach and bit down on her bottom lip as the baby kicked inside her, a painful reminder of the reality she was living_. How could I let things get so out of control?_ she wondered as she stared down at the rounded bump on her usually slender and frail frame. The bump that had become a ticking time bomb that threatened to blow apart every piece of her life that she had tried to keep hidden. It was only a matter of days now and the truth would come out. Lily had no idea how she was going to deal with that. A tear slipped down her pale cheek and she stiffened as a hand rested on her neck and began to massage gently. 

"What are you doing?" she choked out, the raw emotion and pain she felt visible in her voice, which, to all but two men seemed to be the result of the last year of hiding and running from a Dark power greater than any the world had ever seen.

The warm, gentle hands continued to kneed the tense muscles in a loving motion that made Lily want to be sick - not from the gesture but from the continued realisation that her own actions had destroyed everything and that everyone was so close to knowing. Again, Lily felt that dull ache in her stomach, an ache that came from shame and sadness as well as the longing for the life she'd always dreamed of. 

James Potter moved so that he was sitting next to his beloved wife on the couch and gently continued massaging. 

"You looked tense darling," he replied in a calm voice. He held his breath, hoping that Lily wouldn't snap at him or burst into tears, as she was so prone to do these days. He figured the stress of not knowing what could happen to either of them or their children was weighing down on her. James hated that he couldn't protect the women he loved. He hated even more that he couldn't protect her in the condition she was in. 

"Lily," he whispered reassuringly. No matter what he would try to save her. "Darling, everything will be okay. Trust me. I promise I'll look after you. I won't let them take you or the baby. Or Harry. The three of you mean the world to me. I will protect you or die trying."

Lily pulled away. She hated hearing her husband speak like that. If only he knew the truth. If only he knew why they were being chased_. I can stop all this James,_ she thought as she brought her tired eyes up to meet the distressed ones of a man that was so trusting and so loving that it made her ashamed that he even knew her. _Maybe this would be for the best,_ she thought as her eyes filled again with hot tears that stung and made James' image blur. _Maybe when he comes everything will end and I'll never have to explain anything. Maybe I can save you and take my secret with me so you can move on with your life and pretend you were never married to rubbish like me. _

Lily tore her eyes from James and her heart pained when she spotted Harry's cot in the corner. She could hear his soft snores and fear filled her. What would happen to Harry? He would grow up without ever knowing his mother. But at least he wouldn't know what his mother was or what she did. 

__

No, Lily told herself firmly. _No you have to continue to play this out. Be the good wife, the caring mother and let this happen. Forget him and move on._ Lily closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them she realised James was still staring at her, in mild shock. Lily's hands began to shake and a single tear fell slowly down her cheek. 

"I do trust you," she whispered, hating herself as James reached up to wipe the tear from her cheek. "I'm just...I'm scared..."

"For who?" James asked quietly. 

Lily swallowed hard. "For us. For Harry. For the baby. For Re--" Lily caught herself before it was too late. Silently, she scolded herself. She'd nearly tripped up. "For Peter," she corrected herself. "I'm scared that if they find him and know that he's our keeper they might torture him or worse, to find out where we are."

James remained silent for a moment. He'd caught Lily's mistake. He knew that she had almost said 'Remus' and he felt a pang of guilt. He still felt terrible that he had distanced himself so much from his friend but lately he'd been having second thoughts about Remus' loyalty. The usually kind and caring werewolf was the first to act distant from James. He'd run off as fast as the wind every time they ran into each other and he barely spoke to James when the Marauders were together. It seemed Remus was a completely different person and James was scared for what that meant. Therefore, when Sirius had refused to become their keeper, James had no choice but to go to Peter. James, not knowing the real truth, still thought this bothered Lily. 

He took a deep breath. "Lily it'll be okay," he told her. "I know you still think we should have used Moony but you know how he's been acting lately. I couldn't risk that and it kills me to even think about it." James' forehead creased with worry and hurt but he continued. "Trust me. Wormtail won't let us down. I know it." He cupped her face gently in one hand and rested the other on her stomach. "Those warnings that Dumbledore sent us are like all the others. I'm sure of it. False alarms. Things will be okay."

In truth, James was terrified. He was scared for himself, his wife and his family. With Lily so close to giving birth he didn't even want to imagine what could happen if she did when an attack started. _This is a nightmare,_ he thought. _I have everything I could ever dream for but yet nothing's ever that simple. _

Lily opened and closed her mouth, unable to say what was on her mind or to even string a simple sentence together. She lowered her eyes, grateful that James was no longer looking at her with pity but was staring at Harry's cot with a distant look in his eye. Lily looked down to her hands and almost winced when she saw the ring that adorned her right ring finger. It was his ring. He had given it to her that first night they had been...close. She fought back more tears as she stared at the intricate design that danced around the band of the silver ring. Patterns and symbols that to the untrained eye would mean nothing, but to her and to all that were associated with him, meant everything. 

It grieved Lily inside and she wondered why she still wore the ring that she had told James she'd bought at a market. She remembered when he gave it to her. It had been too big and so he pulled out his wand and quickly shrank it so there was no chance it could slip off. 

"This way I will always be with you," he had whispered before sliding his hands under her long red hair and pulling her to him in a passionate kiss. She remembered feeling terrified yet excited at the prospect of broadcasting their love on her delicate fingers and often when she was at home she felt the urge to pull it off. She couldn't risk James finding out. 

However as Lily reached down for the millionth time to pull the ring over her knuckles she paused and imagined his face, his hurt, tired eyes begging her not to let go and so she stopped. For he had a power over her so great that Lily knew that they would never truly be apart. She would never truly let go.

This was also why she had never gotten rid of the baby. 

Lily tore her eyes from her fingers. She longed to tell James the truth but the fear of what would happen if she did was always a welcome reminder to why she couldn't. He would never understand and anyway she couldn't tell him like this. It would be more painful than any of the Unforgivable Curses. However, she had to say something. She couldn't just sit here like this. 

Taking a deep breath and building up her courage Lily reached for James' hand. "James," she started. "I just--" she gasped, cutting herself off. A sharp pain had shot through her stomach and she doubled over, breathing heavily. "James," she moaned. 

James ripped his eyes from Harry and stared wide eyed at his wife. "Lily? Darling? What is it?"

As the pain sliced through her, Lily managed to look up and utter, "The baby James. The baby is coming."

James paled. This was all his worst nightmares coming true. The baby couldn't come now. "Lily...we can't leave the house. Not tonight. I know I said the warnings may be false alarms but we can't take that chance..."

Lily moaned and clutched her stomach painfully. "This baby isn't waiting for anyone James," she choked out and she gasped again when she realised her water had broken. Her eyes watered and for a moment Lily felt nothing. She felt like she was floating and then they came. Images and visions. Hundreds flying at her at once. She saw him. She needed him to be here. She couldn't do this without him. But soon his image left her and Lily was covered with a wave of cold panic as the pain came back to her, shooting through her body like knives. _It won't matter if I have this baby now,_ Lily realised suddenly. _It won't matter at all. Everything will end tonight and I can't stop it._ Lily let out a cry. 

"Oh god," she breathed, trying desperately to stand up. 

Frantically James tried to push her back down. He pushed his glasses up his nose and looked around like a frazzled professor. "Lily no, you need to lie down. I promise...I'll find help. I'll get Padfoot. He'll find someone...He'll...I'll be back in a moment. Just…just stay there--"

With a burst of strength Lily clutched the front of James' robes and held on tightly as she struggled to keep standing. "James no," she gasped. "It won't matter. It's too late. He's here."

James shook his head, looking confused. "No, no," he assured her. "No the baby isn't here yet darling, you're still in labour. Your contractions just started."

Now Lily started shaking her head, tears spilling down her cheeks as she let go of James and limped over to Harry's cot. She reached in and tried to pull Harry out. "Not...Not the...baby..." she spoke joltingly as she was hit again with a wave of agony that she knew had nothing to do with the birth of her baby.

James cringed as he saw the obvious pain his wife was going through. He had to do something. He reached for his wand but Lily then uttered the words he'd been dreading since he'd first heard them. 

"Voldemort."

It was the only time Lily had ever uttered his name past her pale lips and the sound made James freeze with fear. 

"How do you...?" he started but a noise from downstairs shot chills up both their spines. Then there was silence. All that could be heard was Lily's ragged breathing and Harry's muffled cries. 

Lily's eyes met James' across the room and a moment of understanding passed through them. This was real. This was happening and neither of them had any control over it. 

__

But I might, Lily thought frantically. _Maybe I can reason with him._ However, she knew what the price would be. Her baby for her husband and son. Was she prepared to give up the only real proof that she had once experienced a love so true it made Lily feel as though her insides were turning inside out at the very thought of being away from him?

Lily heard James let out a breath and as though it was a signal, Lily clutched Harry to her tightly, ready to do whatever he ordered. 

James was striding towards the stairs, a set look on his grim face. "Take Harry," he whispered seriously, the moment of panic gone. Lily was holding enough panic for the both of them. "Take Harry and get out of here," he ordered. "Find Padfoot...And Moony if you must. Get help. I'll try and hold him off as long as I can."

Lily shook her head. "James no," she said. "You're a strong wizard but you're not strong enough for this. And besides...he's not...I mean...if I..." Lily was torn. The pain shot through her body again. It was killing her and the urge to take her son and run was programmed deep inside her mothering instincts, however inside she knew that she was who You-Know-Who wanted. She should have told James long ago. It would have hurt him but it would have saved him and now...

A pale yellow light had suddenly bathed the room and Lily could see it brighten at the bottom of the stairs. She bit back a hysterical cry. She had waited too long. James pushed her gently. "Lily go!" His voice was urgent and he looked in no mood to listen to excuses, no matter what they were. 

Lily stared at James for only a moment more. She kissed the top of Harry's black haired head and then crossed the room to James' side. She stared deep into his hazel eyes hoping that one day James could find it in his heart to forgive her for everything that she'd done to them. 

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. She'd never loved James as a husband but she cared and trusted him more than she did anyone in this world. And then she'd betrayed him and now he was going to die for her.

James looked confused and scared but time was running out. The yellow glow was getting brighter and filling the dark room although no other sound could be heard. 

"Lily just go," James pleaded with her as he took one last look at his wife and son. "Take the back stairs and just go. Please. I'll try and hold him off."

Racked with guilt Lily lent over and kissed him gently. "I'm sorry," she said again before fleeing the room, not wanting to look back, not wanting to be reminded of their fate.

Running while holding a baby and feeling the pain of one that wasn't waiting for anyone, wasn't easy and Lily stumbled more than once before she got to the back stairs. Harry let out a cry and Lily couldn't help but pause. She'd forgotten her wand! It was lying on the couch in the living room. Lily turned to go back but a low, menacing voice was speaking and she froze, straining her ears as she heard her husband speak. 

"Leave us alone! We have nothing you want!"

A high pitched cackle reached Lily's ears, a sound she knew would plague her nightmares forever if she survived.

"Silly boy," she heard a voice sneer. "_You_ don't have anything I want. But your pretty little wife does. You're just an interference in this game of cat and mouse." Lily heard a pause. All she could hear was the sound of her breathing and beating heart. "But if you're willing to die for your betraying wife, so be it," the voice finished. 

"I don't know what you're talking about!" James cried back, the fear and anger in his voice visible. "Now get out!"

Lily's eyes widened as she saw a flash of blue light. The yellow light flared up, rivaling it and as the two mixed to a bright green, another shot of pain tore through Lily's body. James' cries echoed in her ears. _Get out of here!_ her brain screamed at her. Lily knowing she'd already wasted too much time hurried down the stairs into her kitchen. All she had to do was get to the back door, only a few feet away. Then she'd go down the path and down the road and get Remus. Remus would know what to do. He'd be able to protect her and if not her, her baby. Lily regretted that she wouldn't be able to Disapparate but she figured it had something to do with her pregnancy as she'd tried it a few months ago and ended up way off her target. She couldn't risk that now. 

There was only a short sprint to the back door and then she'd be out of the house. Lily took a deep breath and clutched Harry to her. Then she started to run. 

She'd barely gone two feet before someone appeared in front of her and Lily went crashing into them. She felt a cold chill wash over her as they made contact and she fell to the ground, hoping she wouldn't crush Harry or the baby. Harry was crying loudly. 

Tears streaming down her own face, blinding her sight, Lily tried to get a look at the person she'd just bumped into. Her gaze went up the long black robes to the face of the person wearing them. She knew exactly who it was. 

"Please," Lily begged him. "Let me go. Let me save my son. Harry has done nothing."

"But you are his mother, are you not?" Lord Voldemort asked, his deep silky voice savouring each word as he spoke it. "You can never be sure."

Lily knew what he was talking about but took no notice. All she had to do was get out. She needed to save Harry. Her life and baby's were in the hands of this monster now, but she knew Harry wasn't supposed to die. Not here, not on this night. Scooping Harry up under one arm, she tried to crawl towards the back door but Voldemort stepped in front of her. 

"You know what's curious?" he asked as though continuing a normal conversation. 

Lily didn't answer. Voldemort banged his staff on the ground in front of Lily's face making her jump, her heart beating so hard she thought it would jump out of her chest. 

"Do you know what's curious?" he barked again. 

Sobbing, Lily shook her head. "No," she whispered. 

Voldemort's contorted face twisted into an evil grin. "Well I don't know about you but I'm rather eager to know what colour hair that baby will have. Will it be dark brown like their brother? Red like their mother? Or perhaps white-blonde? Now tell me Lily _Potter_. Why would the wife of James Potter give birth to a child with white-blonde hair?"

Lily didn't answer but this time Voldemort seemed in no mood to play games. "You should have learnt by now Lily. Mudbloods don't mix with purebloods. Especially _my_ purebloods. I would suggest that next time you keep to you own filthy kind...But dear me. There won't be a next time."

Lily let out a scream as she felt another contraction and fell flat on the wooden floor. She reached out and tried to grasp Harry closer to her. She was so powerless. Her wand was miles away and she couldn't stand because of the pain shooting through her. But above all, her mind was tired. Tired from the worrying and the pain. Tired from loving him. 

However as the monster cackled and she saw the light from Voldemort's wand fill the room, consciousness started to slip away and Lily wished with all her heart that she could see him one last time. But she never did. 

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	2. I Love You

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Title: Do What You Have To Do

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Chapter: 2/? - I Love You

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Author: Tári Elensar

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Email: tari_elensar@hotmail.com

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Category: Lily/Lucius, angst, romance

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Spoilers: All Books - Not so much Order of the Phoenix however as I am pretending that most of that book didn't actually happen. 

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Rating: PG-13 

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Summary: [LM/LP] - Lily has a secret. Will it be revealed sixteen years too late?

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Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own anything but my words. The characters and most of the places belong to a very talented lady named J. K. Rowling. I am not making money off this fanfiction. All lyrics are from Sarah McLachlan songs. I wouldn't even attempt to take credit for those strokes of genius. 

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Author's Note: Am trying to make a habit of releasing this once a month – doubt it'll happen though. Also I realise that there are _a lot_ of things that are different from the books but for the sake of the story I'm changing them. Oh and please please review! ^_^ 

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Let me surround you, my sea to your shore

Let me be the calm you seek

Oh and every time I'm close to you

There's too much I can't say and you just walk away

And I forgot to tell you I love you

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Harry Potter narrowed his eyes as the doors to the Great Hall opened and Lucius Malfoy walked in. His long black robes trailed behind him as he stalked across the hall to the Slytherin table, where his son Draco sat, a smug look on his pointed face. Seeing either Malfoy around Hogwarts was never good news. As he continued to watch, Draco stood up and crossed the room to meet his father halfway. Harry couldn't help but notice the satisfied look on the older Malfoy's face. He strained his ears to hear what they were talking about. 

However although it was getting late and the Great Hall was virtually deserted, after a few moments of holding his breath Harry realised he couldn't hear a thing - they were too far away. Sighing, he went back to his Divination homework wishing Ron didn't have detention for setting that dungbomb off in Filch's corridor. It seemed he'd gotten an owl from Fred and George daring him to do it and since the twins had left Hogwarts, Ron had taken over as the resident prankster. They'd all had a good laugh over the prank but now Ron was probably scrubbing bed pans in the hospital wing rather than helping Harry do - or rather 'make up' - his homework which Harry was not at all pleased about. He would have asked Hermione but Hermione the Head Girl, refused to go near anything that had to do with Divination and Professor Trelawney. Ever since that day in their third year...

Harry chuckled to himself, still remembering the look on Hermione's face when she decided to ditch the class. It had been a bold move for his friend but a move indeed that had helped loosen her up and make her realise that she didn't have to be good at _everything_. 

"What are you giggling about?"

Harry raised his head to meet the amused grey eyes of the youngest Weasley. She pushed her long red hair over her shoulder and sat down next to Harry, reaching for his homework. 

"I really don't think Divination is something to be laughing over," she said frowning but pleased that she'd finally finished her own Divination homework at dinner. She dropped a heavy book down next to Harry. "Thanks for letting me borrow this by the way," she added. 

Harry grinned and shrugged. "I wasn't laughing over that," he said, not bothering to explain. Ginny would probably raise an eyebrow and give her 'not impressed' look anyway. Ginny had grown up so much in the last few years but in Harry's opinion it was for the better. Although Ron always got annoyed with his sister, it didn't mean Harry had to. In fact he liked the bond that they had developed. "And any time."

"I loved the little drawings in all the margins," Ginny giggled, although she did the exact same thing when she was bored in Divination class. "However I would have thought Cho would be off your mind by now considering she's been gone for nearly a year."

Harry glanced over at Ginny with annoyance. "Isn't it past your bedtime anyway?" he asked sharply. 

"Shouldn't the _great_ Harry Potter be in his room planning or resting for his next _great_ adventure?" she retorted, not missing a beat.

Harry nodded wisely and tapped his nose in a secretive way. "Oh but I am dear Ginny," he said motioning towards Lucius and Draco. "Evil is lurking and I intend on stopping it."

Ginny followed Harry's gaze and gave him a playful push, rolling her eyes. "Oh Harry," she replied with an exasperated sigh. "You know that Lucius Malfoy's name was cleared. He has nothing to do with You-Know-Who anymore."

Harry frowned, his brow creasing with worry much like his father's used to. "Or so he says," he muttered as Lucius looked over at them. "And would you keep your voice down," he hissed suddenly realising how loudly they were talking in the empty hall. 

Ginny poked her tongue out at Harry but brought her eyes up just in time to see Lucius' deep penatrating stare lock eyes with hers. She stared for a moment, not blinking and felt a chill go up her spine. There was something about that man that creeped her out. Ginny looked away quickly. 

"Maybe you're right," she said to Harry, still feeling a little uneasy. "Once evil, always evil I say." She remembered what Lucius had done to her back in her first year. She really thought she'd found a friend in Tom Riddle and his diary but really all she had found was that she was a pawn in Lucius' insane game of chess that would ultimately lead to Dumbledore being exiled from Hogwarts. This made her blood boil. Abruptly Ginny stood up. "I'm going to bed," she informed Harry. "Good night."

"Ah...No wait Ginny," Harry said quickly. He started picking up his books, scrolls, quills and pots of ink and shoved them into his bag. "This isn't happening tonight," he told her. "I'll have to wait until Ron gets off detention...He's much better at making up rubbish to go on this thing."

"Yes he would be," Ginny agreed, a glint in her eyes. "After all talking rubbish is what my brother does best..." She shrugged and ducked quickly as Harry tried to bop her over the head with one of his books. Ginny giggled and grabbing one of Harry's textbooks ran across the room out of his reach. 

Harry groaned. Although he got along well with Ginny he had to admit there were moments when she did act like an annoying little sister. "Ginny you're sixteen years old," he scolded her. "You have to stop playing these silly games."

Ginny pouted and kept walking, her eyes still on Harry. "Whatever Harry," she said, rolling her eyes. "Just don't-- Ouch!"

Before she could stop herself, Ginny tripped and bumped into something. She stumbled and her and the thing she bumped into went crashing down. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" a cold, familiar voice demanded as Ginny tried to straighten her robes and stand up. She turned her head and came face to face with Draco Malfoy. She swallowed hard. 

"I...I didn't mean to...I'm...I..." Ginny stammered. The older, confident Ginny disappeared and the girl that had arrived at Hogwarts six years ago was back. Ginny tried to hide her face, knowing she was turning as red as her hair. "I..." she started again. 

"Get up you pathetic little girl," Lucius Malfoy sneered as he helped his son up. "Why don't you watch where you're going?"

"Yeah," Draco agreed, although he was slightly surprised that his father had helped him up and not just left him lying on the ground. "It would figure that Weasleys have less coordination than they do money."

Ginny dusted herself off and still on her knees looked up at Lucius and Draco. Tears stung her eyes. _This is where I should be,_ she thought. _Bowing down to people higher than me._ Her family's money problems embarrassed her everyday and she felt angry and ashamed that she was too frightened to say any of the comebacks that were on the tip of her tongue. 

Lucius stuck his nose in the air and pushed past her, knocking Ginny to the floor again. 

"Hey!"

Everyone looked up to see Harry striding across the room, a determined look on his face. "What do you think you're doing?" he demanded, fuming with anger. He reached down and helped Ginny to her feet. 

Lucius raised an eyebrow, trying to remain calm. The very sight of the Potter boy made him angrier than he ever dared express. If there was one thing that Lucius prided himself on it was his ability to remain calm in even the most awkward situations. However, he had known two people in all his life that had broken down that brick wall. And one of them was standing right in front of him. Lucius took a deep breath, trying to control his anger. 

"Well if it isn't the _great_ Harry _Potter_," he spat out bitterly. "Come to save the day, _yet again_?"

Draco snickered but said nothing. 

Harry clutched Ginny's arm tightly with one hand while holding his other over his bag where his wand was. If Lucius wanted to try anything, he'd let him have it. "Last I heard Mr Malfoy this place was for students and teachers," he said, trying to keep his voice even. "Since you fit into neither category, shouldn't you be leaving?"

Lucius smirked thinly. "Actually," he drawled, making Harry realise where Draco had gotten his annoyingly sarcastic speech from, "Hogwarts is open to all that seek knowledge or guidance, no matter what race, gender or _age_ they may be...Your dear Professor Dumbledore made sure of that. I will leave when I wish to leave. Now I am talking to my son. When was the last time your father visited Potter?" He grinned evilly. 

Ginny's bottom lip trembled. "Come on Harry," she whispered. "Let's just go." She reached for the textbook that she had dropped on the ground earlier but Draco got there first and scooped it up. 

Ignoring Lucius, Harry reached for the book. "Give it here Malfoy," he demanded. 

Draco smirked and like the good little Malfoy that he was, handed it to his father. Lucius flipped through it. "Divination?" he asked with a smirk. "Seen anything interesting in the stars lately Potter? Any Grims? I heard you had a problem with those in your third year."

Harry didn't bother asking him how he knew. He just wanted to get the book and go. But as he watched Lucius flip through the pages and Ginny stiffen beside him, he finally just shook his head and turned his back on the Malfoys. It wasn't worth it. Lucius and Draco would always be terrible people and there was nothing Harry could do about it. The most he could do would be to steer clear of them and make sure they didn't hurt any of the people he cared about. 

"The only problem I've been having is seeing snotty nosed, blonde haired, _evil_ wizards around," Harry retorted, knowing it wasn't the best comeback but at least it was something. He didn't even bother turning back to see their reactions. "Let's go Ginny."

Ginny began to turn as well but found herself staring at Lucius for a moment. Lucius' eyes flicked up from the book and noticed her watching him. He paused. That girl was most annoying. Not only did she manage to escape the Chamber of Secrets, she was now looking at him like he was an evil monster. Lucius was used to stares like that but from the young girl it felt much worse. It almost felt like...

Lucius shook himself out of his thoughts. "What are you staring at?" he snapped. 

"N..N..Nothing," Ginny stammered. "Sorry...I..." She looked away. 

"Come on Gin," Harry said gently, tugging on her arm. 

"Aren't you forgetting something Potter?" Lucius called as the two started for the large doors on the side of the Hall. 

"You can keep it," Harry called back. "I'd rather touch a Blast-Ended Skrewt than a book that _you've_ been holding. I remember what happened last time."

"Fine with me," Lucius muttered, thumbing through the pages. Draco looked up at him curiously but again said nothing. Lucius looked lost in his own thoughts anyway. 

****************

"Hey Ginny I'm sorry about that," Harry said as they walked up to Gryffindor Tower. 

"It's not your fault," Ginny replied as she played with her necklace as she always did when she was nervous. "And I'm fine." She began to suck on the pendent. 

"No you're not," Harry said, reaching over and gently pulling the necklace out of her mouth. "That's disgusting," he said wrinkling up his nose. 

Ginny shrugged. Why was she so nervous all the time? Whenever she was around anyone other than Harry, Hermione or her family she went quiet, she couldn't speak or do anything more than stammer incoherently. _I'm constantly making a fool of myself in front of everyone,_ she thought, wondering if there was a spell somewhere that would make her less shy. But even if there was she wouldn't want to try doing it alone. Last time she'd done that she'd ended up with a tail and had to be in the hospital wing for a week. Her wand wasn't exactly the greatest wand ever made. In fact it was one of her mum's old hand-me-downs. _At least I didn't get Ron's old broken one,_ she thought gloomily as they approached the Fat Lady. 

"Password?" she asked, arching an eyebrow and looking back and forth between Harry's angry scowl and Ginny's flushed cheeks. 

"Phoenix tears," Harry said quickly, looking around to make sure the Malfoys hadn't followed them. 

The portrait swung open and Ginny and Harry stepped inside and were greeted by an annoyed looking Ron. 

"They had me cleaning for hours!" he moaned. "And then Peeves came in and make a din by throwing all the pans around and then disappeared before anyone could catch him. I don't think Madam Pomfrey believes that he was there at all. I think she thinks that I got frustrated and threw the pans around myself! Why would I do--"

"I'm going to bed."

Ron stopped talking. "What?" he asked his sister. He still seemed a little preoccupied in his own problems but the look on Ginny's face and the tone of her voice made him stop talking.

"I'm going to bed," Ginny said a little more loudly this time. "Good night Ron. Good night Harry. Sorry about your book."

Harry frowned. "Yeah good night Ginny," he said gently, leaning over and squeezing her shoulder. "See you tomorrow."

Ginny nodded and said good night to her brother before hurrying upstairs. Ron turned to Harry, confused. "What happened to her?" he asked. 

Harry narrowed his eyes before spitting out," Malfoy."

****************

"Lucius...darling...Come to bed."

A hand brushed Lucius' back and ran through his hair but Lucius Malfoy immediately stood up and continued flicking through the Hogwarts textbook he held in his hands. _There has to be something I can do with this,_ he thought as he traced his fingers over the name written in messy teenage boy scrawl on the front. _Harry Potter._ How he loathed that name. After all this time, it still hurt. 

"Lu-u-ci-us..."

"What is it Narcissa?" Lucius snapped spinning around to see his whimpering wife stretched out on their four poster bed. 

Narcissa pouted. "I just wanted you to come to bed," she muttered moodily. "Why are you looking through that book anyway? Is it Draco's?"

Lucius glanced at the book in his hand. He hadn't realised he was still holding it. He wanted to put it down and just forget about it, but something was making him believe there was something of use in the book. Something that would help him be rid of Harry Potter once and for all. 

Shaking his head, Lucius finally placed the book in a drawer and pulled out his wand, locking it shut. He couldn't - no wouldn't - take any chances for it to go missing. "It's a long story," he sighed as he climbed into bed next to his wife. 

She immediately snuggled up to him, wrapping her thin arms around his more muscled ones. Pushing his satin pajama sleeve up she traced over the Dark Mark with her fingertips. It was so faint now that it was only visible to the trained eye. "When will he rise again?" she asked in a soft voice, a longing for the time the Malfoys were in complete control, standing along side the Dark Lord. 

"I don't know," Lucius replied with an exasperated sigh as though he'd explained this over and over a thousand times. "And when he does we are not to go running back to him. We promised that old crackpot at the school and the Minister for Magic that we are no longer involved with him. We have seen the errors of our ways, haven't we Narcissa?"

Pouting Narcissa stopped stroking the Mark and rested her head on it instead. "Yes," she sighed. "But life without our Lord is so boring. I want to hear Muggle screams again."

Lucius resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Of course you do," he said, knowing full well that his wife only said those things because she thought it made him happy. When the time came, and Lucius believed that without a doubt it would, he knew Narcissa would go running back to Albus Dumbledore and turn him, her sister and everything that their kind had worked for, in. For that was the way his wife was. A lover of power. Whoever had the power, had Narcissa. 

"Darling do you suppose that..."

Lucius closed his eyes for a moment, trying to hold back the urge to push her away. For years now he played the role of the husband, never once letting himself slip into grieving as he knew he so easily would. But now as her head rested gently on his shoulder, her fingers tracing patterns on his chest just like _she_ used to, Lucius felt the urge to be sick. 

"Narcissa," he interrupted gruffly. "It's been a long day. I'm going to sleep."

Lucius turned his head and pulled the blankets up further around him so he wouldn't have to see the pouty look he knew she was shooting at him again. _Does she ever do anything but pout? _Lucius wondered. He used to be a sucker for a pout but after living with Narcissa for so long...It seemed to have lost it's effect. 

Except in his dreams. There was one pout that often met him when the day was over and he was settled in bed. A place where he was so vulnerable he no longer was the vicious monster the rest of the world saw. He was Lucius, a man, with a heart, with feelings and with fear. There were times when Lucius liked feeling like that. It reminded him of the life he could have had. But then there were times, like this, that Lucius dreaded the nights where his mind would run wild and he couldn't protect himself. 

Lucius felt a feathery light kiss on his cheek and a soft promise of love in his ear but he made no response, keeping his eyes shut tight. If he imagined hard enough, he could almost believe it was her. 

****************

"Gryffindor!"

The Sorting Hat's cries cut through Lucius' heart and he felt like a piece of him was being torn out. The moment she had walked through the doors of the Great Hall Lucius had felt something. Something so deep nothing short of a heart transplant could remove it. Nothing perhaps but a signed seal of fate from a dirty old hat that could talk. 

Lucius was a second year Slytherin, the heir to one of the world's most powerful wizarding families. She was a first year Gryffindor of whom he knew nothing more about. 

So why couldn't he stop staring at her? Lucius watched as the petite red head nervously approached her new table where she was greeted enthusiastically by her house members. A boy with messy black hair and thick rimmed glasses motioned for her to sit next to him and Lucius felt a surge of jealousy. He had a duty to his family and to his house, therefore he was destined never to even have a chance to know her. 

Lucius clapped half heatedly as a weedy little kid with greasy black hair named Snape was sorted into his house. The girl was now smiling. It seemed as though a light had been turned on inside her as it lit up all her features. Lucius had never before felt so drawn to someone. 

A breathless voice near his shoulder spoke, interrupting his thoughts. "Hi."

Lucius turned his head slightly and gave the girl next to him a half smile. He didn't know it then but the girl that had just been sorted into Slytherin was someone that he would one day know intimately, but never actually know.

"I'm Narcissa Black."

****************

__

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, Professor Mackenzie is going to kill me, Lily Evans thought frantically as she ran down the empty halls of Hogwarts. 

Professor Mackenize was her Potions Master and a real stickler for rules. In his books if you weren't in Slytherin you weren't a person. And if you were ever late for one of his classes...Look out.

Lily had been in the library when James Potter had cornered her and as always challenged her with one of his stupid mind games. Lily knew James liked her but she was determined not to give in. He was so arrogant. Nevertheless, she couldn't deny that she liked the attention - so much in fact that she was now running late for Potions. 

__

However, explaining that to Professor Mackenzie isn't going to get me out of trouble, Lily thought as she started down the steps towards the dungeons. She got to the bottom and turned and suddenly she was on the floor rubbing her backside. 

"Ow..." Lily moaned. _This is just what I need,_ she thought nearly in tears. She looked up trying to figure out who she'd just run into. Her eyes widened with fear. "Oh my gosh I am so sorry," she breathed, as she reached for the railing and tried to stand up. 

Lucius Malfoy raised an eyebrow. "That's okay," he said in a cool voice. "Just don't make a habit of it." He bent down and scooped up some of her books before offering her a hand. 

Nervously Lily took it and Lucius pulled her to her feet. "Here." He handed her, her books. Lily took them wordlessly while Lucius stared at her expectantly.

"Oh! Sorry! Thank you," she said quickly, not surprised that her first official meeting with the handsome sixth year was going as well as a classroom full of Cornish Pixies. Everyone in the school knew who Lucius Malfoy was. In fact most of the people in the wizarding world did. For Lily Evans to run into him while being late for Potions seemed like a nightmare come true. 

She checked her watch realising the chance to perhaps slip in late and apologise profusely was slipping further and further away. _Maybe I should just not go,_ she thought, wondering if she could go back to Gryffindor Tower without Professor McGonagall, noticing. Perhaps she could pretend that she was sick or that--

Lily suddenly realised that Lucius was still standing there, staring at her. She glanced at him, quickly smoothing back her wild red hair wishing she wasn't wearing her oldest robes. 

"Are you okay?" 

Lily didn't expect Lucius to ask her that and she almost dropped her books again in surprise. Flustered she clutched them tightly to her chest. "Oh...Yes...I'm okay...I'm just....really really late."

A knowing smirk spread across Lucius' lips. "You're a Gryffindor," he commented. "Not too many of them come down here...So I'm guessing you're late for Mackenzie's class?"

Lily nodded mutely. The intense way that Lucius watched her when he spoke was doing everything but turning her into a puddle of potion on the floor. 

Lucius nodded as well and then added in a careless voice, "I could take you if you want. I'll tell Mackenzie you were with me."

Lily let out a breath she hadn't even realised she'd been holding. Everyone knew that Lucius was Mackenzie's favourite student. No one would ever dare refuse anything a Malfoy said, not even a grumpy Potions Master. 

"Thank you," Lily gasped. "That's very nice of you...You don't have to..." _But please do,_ she added silently. Not only could she escape a lecture and the removal of more house points, if Lucius walked her to class she'd be in his presence for another few minutes. She couldn't place her finger on it but there was almost a warmth radiating off the cool as ice Malfoy. Everyone said Malfoy was a self-centered prat. Lily was starting to disagree. 

Without a word, Lucius started down the hall to Mackenzie's classroom. It took Lily a moment to comprehend what was going on but she quickly broke into an awkward run, trying to keep up. They walked in silence for a moment. 

"I'm Lily," Lily suddenly blurted out, breaking the silence. "Lily Evans."

Lucius smiled. "I know," he said simply. 

Lily looked up at him, as he was a good few inches taller than she was, in amazement. Lucius glanced over at her. "I'm Lucius."

Resisting the urge to giggle Lily nodded. "I know," she said. "Everyone does. You're..." She trailed off when she realised they'd reached her classroom. Lucius was looking at her curiously. 

"I'm what?" he asked. 

Lily blushed. "Nothing," she said. "It doesn't matter. Thank you again for doing this."

Lucius shrugged. "Not at all." He opened the door. Professor Mackenzie looked up, his eyes flashing wildly at the prospect of being disturbed during a lesson. However, his gaze softened slightly to a cool understanding when he realised it was Lucius. 

"Sorry to disturb you Professor," he drawled as he stuck his head in the classroom. "Just returning Evans to you. She was helping me with a few chores."

Mackenzie narrowed his eyes but said nothing about the unlikely idea that a Gryffindor was helping out a Slytherin. "Very well," he said shortly. 

Lucius turned to Lily and gave her a discrete wink. "There you go Miss Evans," he said. "I hope we run into each other again one day."

Lily nodded, breathless and in wonderment that Lucius was nothing like what everyone said he was. _They've all got him wrong_, she realised. _Or maybe it's me._

Lily pushed that thought out of her head. Why would a purebred Slytherin be interested in a Mudblood Gryffindor? Either way, he'd helped her out and Lily was grateful for that.

"Thank you," she said shyly as she slipped inside the classroom. As she joined her table, she peeked back at the door just in time to see Lucius close it, his eyes still locked on her.

****************

"Lily Evans."

"Lucius Malfoy."

"Fancy seeing you here."

"Quite weird I admit. It's not like we go to the same school or anything."

"And how are you this fine evening?"

"I'm good...now."

They both fell silent and stared at each other, their eyes speaking more than their mouths ever could. It was amazing to both of them how close they'd gotten over the last year. Never had they imagined that the unlikely friendship would develop - they were both so different. Lily was the perfect example of everything Lucius was against while Lucius was a snob and a daddy's boy, Lily's idea of a nightmare date. Yet the two had become close friends despite the fact no one else could ever know. 

A crowd of people streamed past them, pushing and shoving trying to get into the Great Hall for the Yule Ball. Lily was pushed forward right into Lucius. She giggled nervously and lifted her head to look up at Lucius as he automatically held her waist, steadying her. 

He raised an eyebrow and gave her his trademark cool smirk. The two became lost yet again, just staring at each other, wondering how it was that they understood each other's minds yet knew nothing about each other's worlds. 

"Malfoy, what do you think you're doing?"

Lily jumped at the sound of her boyfriend's voice and she quickly pulled away from Lucius, feeling unbelievably guilty. "James it was nothing," she said softly. "I fell, he caught me." She rested a hand on his arm and looked up into eyes that looked ready to kill the blonde boy.

James bristled slightly but as he stared at Lily, he knew he could never be mad at her. Lily had finally given in to him and things were at last the way he'd always dreamed – he wasn't willing to risk it all yet.

"Just watch it Malfoy," he hissed. "Oh and tell your sleazy little friend Snape to stay away from Remus. He told him he doesn't want to see him again."

Lucius narrowed his eyes. "My friends do what they please Potter," he spat out. "What they do has nothing to do with me. Now would you and your uncoordinated little whore like to move out of my way so I can get inside? Narcissa is waiting for me."

Lily bit her lip, trying not to react to his words. She knew that the way Lucius spoke around their friends was all part of the act. They couldn't let anyone know that they were friends. Lucius' father would never allow it. Therefore, he treated her as though he couldn't stand the sight of her and Lily treated him as though she was afraid of the powerful wizard. So far it had all their friends fooled however sometimes it hurt. 

Lily tried to catch Lucius' eye as he passed. She needed a sign, a reassurance that his words _were_ part of the act, but Lucius' eyes were cold and hard and he pushed past her and James without another word. 

Fuming James watched him go, his hand clutching his wand tightly. With a sigh, Lily urged him to put it away and then together they entered the ball. 

****************

Hours after the ball had finished, Lily leaned back on the hard wall of one of the East tower's windows, closing her eyes. She was sitting in one of the turreted windows, just thinking. Thinking about life and about what would happen after she left Hogwarts. She thought about James and how it was becoming increasingly certain that she was destined to be with him despite their rocky start...And not that _other_ person. 

In her mind Lily never allowed herself to name him. If she did it would become too real. But since that day they'd met in the dungeons when he'd saved her from Professor Mackenize, to their secret smiles across the hallway and their meetings in the library, Lily couldn't stop thinking about the cool blonde that amazed her and blew apart everything she thought she knew about men. 

However, they could never be together. They were from two different worlds and to even indulge in the idea that he felt the same way was suicide to her mental and social well being. No one would accept them. Once he had confined in her and admitted that it was true - his father was a Death Eater which overall meant that his fate was to be the same, and Lily wasn't stupid. Not only would the world not accept their union, Lily wouldn't. She would not fall in love with evil. 

A soft breeze blew, blowing her hair in her face. Lily smiled faintly and it was only then did she hear a scuffling noise beside her. Her eyes flew open and she found herself locking eyes with those of a smiling Lucius Malfoy. 

"You're so pretty when you smile," he whispered. It was the first time he'd ever said anything like that and Lily felt her cheeks redden. 

"And when you blush," he continued. "And when you cry and when you laugh and when you look at me like we're the only two people in the world."

Lily stared at him in disbelief. This couldn't be Lucius. No matter how close they got, he was still the Ice King. He would never speak this way. "Lucius..." she started. 

Lucius paid no attention. He closed his own eyes as though taking in the place they were in, the night and the air. "Don't you feel it?" he whispered. 

Lily didn't have to ask what _'it'_ was. Her mind was screaming at her to leave but she was scared that she might miss something important if she did. They may never have a chance again and she just had to know. "Yes," she replied softly.

Opening his now soft grey eyes, Lucius smiled again and reached for one of her hands. "Forgive me Lily," he uttered before leaning in and kissing her pale pink lips tenderly. 

Lily hesitated only a moment more before wrapping her arms around the neck of the blonde haired Slytherin, pulling their bodies closer together. As she became lost in his kisses, Lily was vaguely aware that she was in too deeply now. There was no going back. She'd done the forbidden. She'd broken the rules. She'd fallen in love with the enemy.

****************


	3. Path of Thorns

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Title: Do What You Have To Do

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Chapter: 3/? - Path of Thorns

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Author: Tári Elensar

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Email: tari_elensar@hotmail.com

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Category: Lily/Lucius, angst, romance

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Spoilers: All Books - Not so much Order of the Phoenix however as I am pretending that most of that book didn't actually happen. 

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Rating: PG-13 

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Summary: [LM/LP] - Lily has a secret. Will it be revealed sixteen years too late?

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Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own anything but my words. The characters and most of the places belong to a very talented lady named J. K. Rowling. I am not making money off this fanfiction. All lyrics are from Sarah McLachlan songs. I wouldn't even attempt to take credit for those strokes of genius. 

****************

__

There's no more coming back this way

The path is overgrown and strewn with thorns

They've torn the lifeblood from your naked eyes

Cast aside to be forlorn

…Funny how it seems that all I've tried to do seems to make no difference at all…

****************

Remus Lupin smiled as he walked down the corridors of Hogwarts once again. Memories of his days at school, his days teaching and not-so-great memories of when Voldemort tried to overthrow the school only a year ago, filled his head and consumed his thoughts. It was hard to remember why he was even here. However deep inside Remus knew he couldn't forget. He'd made a promise sixteen years ago and he wasn't intending on breaking it - no matter how many people he ended up hurting. 

"Remus are you sure you can't tell me what's going on?"

Remus turned his head, the deep voice of Sirius Black breaking through his thoughts. "Sorry," he apologised regretfully. "But I can't. You of all people should know that Sirius."

Sirius dodged past a group of fourth years that were looking at him warily and tried to act as though their reaction didn't phase him. Remus knew better though but decided not to mention it. 

"Remus I don't know what you're talking about," Sirius started. "I've never ever kept a secret from you--" He stopped abruptly. "Oh...except that one time..."

Remus knew he had to stop bringing up things from years past but he was still hurt that James had chosen Sirius to be his Keeper and when Sirius refused chosen Peter instead_. I suppose it's my fault too,_ Remus reasoned. _I never was completely honest with him. I was a Keeper to someone else...And that cost me my friendship with James._

Remus sighed as he stopped outside Dumbledore's office. "Never mind Sirius," he said, patting his friend on the arm. "It is in the past. Although from my experiences, often the past isn't your past at all. But your present and future. Take you for example."

Sirius frowned but he knew what Remus was talking about. Although he'd been on the run for a few years Sirius had only been officially released from Azkaban six months ago. Before he had escaped, Remus was certain that he had to let go of Sirius. He was the past. But then within a matter of seconds Sirius proved himself innocent and the past and the present shifted making a whole new future. 

__

Which is what I'm here to do today, Remus thought swallowing hard. 

Sirius noticed the look on Remus' fair face. "Moony?" he asked him softly, using his nickname. "Please tell me. I don't like it how this secret troubles you."

Remus shot Sirius a half smile. "I'll be okay," he promised. "And I'll tell you...But I must speak with Dumbledore first--" He stopped abruptly as Dumbledore appeared at his office door. 

"Remus, Sirius," he smiled. "I've been expecting you. Come on up."

The two remaining Marauders followed the Headmaster to his office and both took seats across from him at his table. Sirius was barely seated five seconds before he jumped up again to go say hello to Fawkes the Phoenix. It seemed to Remus that Sirius felt a lot more comfortable around animals these days. It was though he believed that humans still judged him and still thought he murdered all those people although he had been proven innocent with a confession from Peter Pettigrew himself. Because of it Sirius was now always jumpy and edgy and could never sit still. Remus and Dumbledore however accepted this and started to talk without him. 

"Does he know?" Dumbledore asked Remus in a low voice motioning to where the dark haired man was patting Fawkes and talking to him softly. 

Remus shook his head. "I just had to bring him. He gets restless at home."

Dumbledore nodded. "That's understandable...But what is that you wanted to talk to me about? I have known for some time now that you possess a secret from long ago. And now here you are, ready to speak of it. What's changed Remus?"

Remus sighed and started to look around the room. He'd always loved the Headmaster's office. Ever since he was a young werewolf visiting Hogwarts for the first time. There was something about this place that made him feel safe. It also seemed fitting that this was the first place he'd found out about the first stage of his - no Lily's - secret. 

"Remus?" Dumbledore coaxed and Remus fell back to Earth. 

"Sorry," he apologised quickly. "What has changed? Professor…I don't know if you knew but...the secret was not meant to be kept forever. I was...I was supposed to tell those involved the truth when...It was supposed to be sixteen years after--"

"Sixteen years?" Dumbledore asked sharply. "The anniversary of James and Lily's death was two months ago....Sixteen years it has been." The old Headmaster paused for a moment. "It has to do with Lily, doesn't it? That is why James didn't make you their Secret Keeper. You were keeping _her_ secret. Then it is you that--"

"What?" Sirius had joined them again. "Your secret has to do with Lily and James' death?" Sirius watched Remus suspiciously. "Moony you can't keep this from me. I have a right to know too."

Remus felt torn. He had held this secret inside of him for so long now. Although it was her wish to tell people of it now, it still seemed wrong. However, from the way Dumbledore was looking at him Remus felt sure he already knew. 

"Calm down Padfoot," Remus said gently. "I will tell you." He took a deep breath and turned to Dumbledore. "But I what say can never leave this room. She left this burden upon me. Therefore, it is my burden to look after. Do you understand?" He looked sharply at Sirius. 

And then finally reassured that he was doing the right thing, the three of them huddled together speaking in hushed tones, Remus telling them the story that had been tormenting him for sixteen long years. 

****************

"Lily you have to stop doing this," Remus hissed as he waited for Dumbledore to join them. 

"Remus I can't. And it's not up to you anyway. I told you to stop following me and now we're both in trouble." She slumped down in her chair, arms across her chest and looked around Dumbledore's office not bothering to take in the many wonders that filled the room but instead looking for an exit. She couldn't be expelled from Hogwarts. She'd never see him again. 

"Lily I can't let you go wandering around the halls at night, alone, after _him_. You don't know what he's like. He's dangerous."

Lily turned to Remus her eyes flashing. "You have no idea. He is nothing like that. He loves me Remus. He loves me. I don't want to be expelled but I have no choice."

Remus laughed shortly and turned away so he wouldn't have to look at her. "You won't get expelled for being out of bed. It's not like you were found in Astronomy Tower. Just in the halls with me. And you know that with my..._condition_...we can come up with many reasons for being out of bed."

There was a pause and Lily bit her bottom lip. "Thank you Remus," she said softly. 

Remus just shrugged. There was a longer pause and then finally he spoke again. "Do you love him Lily?"

Lily didn't need to pause this time. "Yes."

"What about James?"

__

What about James? Lily wondered_. Why am I going out with James when I'm in love with Lucius Malfoy? _

Because you and Lucius will never be allowed to be together, a voice in the back of her head reminded her. _And so you're with James and he's with Narcissa and no one is any wiser. Except Remus. _

"Remus I'm going to tell you the truth," Lily said softly, looking around to make sure the door was still closed. She lent across the gap between their two chairs to get closer to him. "I'm in love with Lucius," she whispered. "But his family and the Slytherins would never accept it. My friends would never accept it. It would be a scandal for everyone involved. Therefore, I'm staying with James. I do care about him. I do. Just not like I care about Lucius."

Remus looked angry. "That's not fair to James," he told her. "Prongs loves you and you risk it all for a Malfoy? Tell me Lily, are you sure it's worth it?"

Lily smiled. She'd never been more sure about anything in her entire life. 

"Yes."

****************

Remus entered the Great Hall, Sirius close at his heels. After their meeting, Dumbledore insisted that they go feast with the rest of the school. As they walked down between the tables everyone stopped, turned and stared. Remus could feel Sirius getting edgy next to him. He rested a hand on his friend's arm to calm him and steered him down towards the teacher's tables. Remus himself was also a little nervous about being here with all the students. Ever since they had discovered he was a werewolf, he'd been getting evil eyes and horrid mail from parents. _People are so cruel,_ Remus thought as he paused near the Gryffindor table. _Afraid of the things they know nothing about – like I was._

"Well if it isn't Harry Potter," he said with a gentle laugh as he laid eyes on a familiar scruffy dark head. 

Harry turned his head and his eyes widened when he saw Remus and Sirius. "Professor Lupin!" he exclaimed. "Sirius!" He jumped up to hug his godfather. Sirius hugged him back, surprised and pleased at the rare show of public affection that he wasn't at all used to. 

When Harry turned to Remus, Remus was also surprised when the seventeen year old wizard hugged him. Remus laughed again. "It's not _Professor_ Lupin," Remus reminded him for the hundredth time. "You know that. It's Remus. Just Remus."

Harry laughed too and then beckoned for the two older men to follow him down the table to where Ron, Hermione and Ginny sat. 

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked Remus as Ron shook Sirius' hand and Hermione, not bothering to hide her excitement in seeing him, also hugged the dark haired man. 

Remus smiled at the surprised look on his old friend's face_. Things are going to get better for you Sirius,_ Remus promised silently. _And somehow it's these kids that have been able to do more for you than any person in this world_. _Even me…_

"We were here to see Professor Dumbledore," Remus explained before saying hello to Ron and giving Hermione a hug. "He insisted that we stay for dinner." 

"You can sit with us," Harry said excitedly as he started asking people to move over. He loved having Remus and Sirius around. They were like the family he never had. And sometimes when they told him stories about his real family, it felt as though James and Lily Potter were right there with them. 

Remus glanced at Sirius and noticed that his eyes were narrowed and he was looking up at the teacher's table. Following his gaze Remus found the root of the problem. Severus Snape was sneering at them, his cold hard eyes fixed on Sirius as though he was still in dog form. "Come on Padfoot," Remus said grabbing the sleeve of his robes and pulling him down on the nearest seat. 

Remus sat down next to him and looked at the girl sitting on his other side. "Hi," he said gently as Ginny Weasley turned bright red. 

She nodded and gave him a shy smile. "Good to see you again Professor Lupin." She started fiddling with the chain that hung around her neck.

"Remus," he corrected. "I'm a friend now. How have you been Ginny?"

As the two sat talking for a moment Remus felt that familiar feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. How was he going to tell Lily's secret to those that it would matter most to? For a second he regretted the fact that Lily trusted him the most of all their friends. She had left him with something that was bound to blow apart the lives of more that a few people. Remus hated that. However, what he hated most was that Lily wasn't here herself. Remus often missed his friend. When a lapse in his and Ginny's conversation happened he took the moment to glance at Sirius who was talking animatedly to Harry, Ron and Hermione. Remus smiled. At least he still had Sirius. 

As dinner appeared on the table in front of them, Remus picked up his fork ready to eat. It was at that moment Draco Malfoy and his minions Crabbe and Goyle entered the Hall. Draco shot a nasty glare in the direction of Harry and his friends and Remus felt his stomach flop. Sirius glanced at him and they shared a worried look. Remus had a feeling this was going to be a lot harder than expected. 

****************

"Harry? Did Sirius and Remus end up telling you why they were here?"

Harry looked up from his Divination homework, slightly annoyed that he'd been interrupted from it again, although slightly pleased. He and Ron were having a hard time making up predictions since they seemed to have already predicted everything, including the apocalypse - twice! Harry shrugged as Hermione watched him, her eyes curious. 

"I don't think so," he said. "Something to do with speaking to Dumbledore...Suppose it could have to do with Sirius' money. Did you hear that the Ministry is giving him a huge settlement as an incentive for keeping him in Azkaban for so long? He's going to be richer than Malfoy. He won't need his parent's money ever again."

Hermione smiled and leaned back in her usual armchair in the Gryffindor common room. She was happy for Sirius, she really was, but she had a bad feeling about both of them being there today. They kept shooting each other looks and sharing whispered conversations. 

"I think they looked like they were up to something," she said as she pulled her Head Girl badge out of her pocket and began polishing it. Ron groaned. He'd seen enough of Percy polishing his Head Boy badge when he'd been at Hogwarts. Hermione made a face and turned back to Harry. 

Harry frowned. "What would they be up to?" he asked. "It's not like they're working for Voldemort or anything. Maybe they just wanted to visit."

Continuing to absentmindedly polish her badge, Hermione stared off into space. "Maybe..." she said, although the tone of her voice made Harry almost believe that _Hermione_ was up to something. 

The three worked in silence for a few minutes. However, the silence was soon interrupted as the portrait hole flew open and a flushed Ginny ran in. "Harry!" she called frantically. "Come quickly. It's Remus. And Sirius. And Malfoy."

Harry, Hermione and Ron all shared a look before abandoning their things and hurrying out of the common room and down the steps towards the Great Hall, Ginny leading the way. As they neared the main entrance hall Harry spotted Remus trying to hold Sirius back while Lucius Malfoy, as cool and calm as ever spoke to them in a low tone. They got close enough to hear just as Lucius was in mid-sentence. 

"...which goes to show they let just about anyone in this place these days. A werewolf. And a criminal. I certainly hope they keep you both locked up at night. I wouldn't want animals like you two roaming the halls while my Draco sleeps."

__

Too true, Harry thought holding back a giggle. _Remus and Sirius could become animals. _However, the look on both of his friend's faces quenched his urge to laugh and Harry found himself striding towards Lucius his wand clutched in his hand. 

Lucius looked delighted. "Well well well..." he said, a smirk on his handsome face. "Look who came to stand up for his dead father's school chums. Kind of..._sweet_ really." 

"Shut up Malfoy," Harry snapped, feeling the anger within him grow. He sized up to Lucius realising he was nearly as tall as him now. "At least my father had friends."

Lucius didn't waver at all. "What would you say if you knew," he mused, looking quite smug. A glazed look had come over his face making him look even more deadly. He didn't scare Harry though. 

Ignoring Ginny and Hermione who were trying to hold him back while Remus and Ron kept a grip on Sirius, Harry spat out, "I don't know what you're talking about Malfoy. And I don't care. Just leave us alone."

"The castle is open to anyone Harry," Lucius reminded him again as he walked around swinging his staff as if to illustrate his point. 

Finally giving into the struggle with Hermione and Ginny, Harry stopped. "Not to those that are in league with Voldemort," he retorted. 

"Harry!" Remus exclaimed finally as Sirius too stopped struggling. "Go back to your rooms. This doesn't concern you."

"Oh but it does," Lucius snapped. "And anyway what would you know you useless little scar headed boy? The Malfoys may have '_drifted'_ for a little while there but we have proved beyond his worth that our loyalties always remained with Albus Dumbledore." His top lip curled and he looked as though he had had to force out those last words. Harry felt disgusted. How could Dumbledore trust him back into the castle? The Malfoys were pure evil, everyone knew that. 

Harry again tried to make a dive for him but Ginny grabbed his arm. Lucius shook his head. "A girl holding back the 'great' Harry Potter...Sad really..." Lucius took a step forward and using his snake headed staff pushed a lock of Ginny's red hair out of her eyes so he could match his own grey eyes with hers. 

At that Remus finally left Sirius' side and grabbed Lucius by the back of his robes pulling him out of the way. "Lucius we have to talk," he said, glancing at Ginny to make sure she was okay.

"About what?" Lucius asked. "I have no business with you."

Remus looked impatient. "It's important," he insisted. "Please."

Lucius smirked. "Don't embarrass yourself by begging, werewolf. If you have something to say, say it now."

Remus glanced over at Sirius who looked like he was struggling to stay back and not say or do anything. His gaze drifted across the others to Harry, Ginny, and then back to Lucius. "I would rather talk in private."

"Let me tell you now that there is no way I am going into a private room with a werewolf," Lucius informed Remus. "Sorry but here or nothing...Actually make that nothing." He glanced at his watch. "I'm late for Draco's Quidditch training." Lucius glanced at Harry distastefully. "I suppose you're training hard too."

Harry seemed confused for a moment. "For the game?" Harry asked. "Well yes but..."

Lucius shook his head. "Not the game," he told him. "For the scout. Didn't your Head of House tell you? There's going to be a scout at some of the upcoming games looking for players for the big teams. For all we know they've already been...And you didn't know. Draco's form is perfect of course." He shot Harry a sickly smile. "Well I must be off. It's been awfully nice chatting to you all. Harry, always a pleasure." He spat out his partings and left a very angry and disgruntled group behind him. 

"It's okay Sirius," Harry said as he walked over to his godfather and placed a hand on his arm. "Malfoy is....he's..." He couldn't finish the sentence. He was so angry. And now he had the Quidditch scout to worry about? Why hadn't McGonagall told him? Harry turned to Remus and found him looking pale. 

"Remus?" Harry asked slowly. Remus' eyes seemed locked on something but Harry wasn't sure what. He glanced at Hermione who was talking softly to Ron and then to Ginny who was sucking on her necklace again. "Remus?" Harry asked again. 

As though being jolted out of a deep sleep, Remus looked up. "Sorry Harry," he said quickly. "You four should...go back to your rooms or something. Thank you for coming down although it wasn't necessary. We had things under control. We know how to handle Lucius."

"How do you know?" Hermione asked suddenly, still looking suspicious. Harry wished she'd give it a rest. Why couldn't she just be happy that Remus and Sirius were here? 

Sirius looked even angrier than he did whenever Professor Snape was around. "We were at Hogwarts with him," he explained quickly. "A year above us and good friends with your _charming _Potions Master." He rolled his eyes before turning to Remus. "Come on Moony," he said. "We should be going. We can come again in the morning."

Remus nodded shortly. "Good night Harry. Hermione. Ron." He paused before turning to Ginny. "Good night Ginny. Take care." 

Ginny nodded and the four of them watched as Remus and Sirius hurried down the stairs and out the door. It wasn't until they were completely out of sight did Hermione finally speak up. 

"I told you they were up to something."

****************

It was a long time before anyone was able to sleep that night. Remus tossed and turned wondering how he was going to deal with the secret that had been weighing him down for sixteen years. Sirius was still in shock after finding out what Remus had had to deal with for so long. Hermione was still certain that Remus and Sirius were up to something. Ron was starting to believe Hermione and was wondering if Lucius was involved in it. Ginny was more than terrified of Lucius now and Harry was worried sick because of the Quidditch scout. He'd asked Professor McGonagall about it who said the reason she didn't tell him was because they weren't supposed to know. They were supposed to be caught on a normal day with normal talent. She then said she was quite annoyed with the Slytherins for already knowing and she'd have a word with Professor Snape about it - this cheered Harry up slightly. 

But there was another that couldn't sleep that night. Lucius Malfoy. And not because he was worrying about why Remus wanted to speak with him or the things Harry had said to him; he was thinking about her yet again. He didn't think he'd ever forget. After all, it was because of him that she was dead. 

__

Lily, my dear sweet Lily, Lucius thought as he put Harry's textbook back in the drawer again and fell onto his bed where Narcissa was already snoring loudly. If only there was something he could do with that book of Harry's that would make him forget about Lily and Harry and the whole Potter family. But for now all he could do was try and sleep and continue to be tortured with the memory of the only person that he'd ever loved. 

****************

"You what? No...No...That wasn't part of the deal. Tell me you're joking. Tell me this isn't real." 

A furious Lucius pulled out his wand and prodded it in Peter Pettigrew's chest. "This is something you'd joke about," he bellowed. "Now stop fooling around and tell me the truth. What happened?"

Whimpering Peter tried to slip out of Lucius' reach. "You don't understand Mr Malfoy sir. Our Lord...He's...No one has seen him. We think that he's...That he's...."

"You know what?" Lucius exclaimed, his eyes flashing maliciously. "I don't care. What happened? Where is Lily? Where is the baby?"

Peter dropped to the ground. "Please forgive me sir. I told him not to but you know our Master. He does not like to be told what to do. He...He killed her sir. And the baby. The only one that lives is young Harry Potter. It is said that he has killed our Master sir. It is said that..." Peter looked up, suddenly realising that Lucius wasn't pointing his wand at him anymore. 

Instead Lucius stood, the wand slack at his side staring at the walls of the entrance hall to the Malfoy Manor. "She's...dead..." he whispered. Inside he knew it must have been true as the seconds before the Dark Mark on his arm had begun to fade he felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest...but he would not believe it. "She can't be dead..."

Trembling Peter stood up. "She was a Mudblood sir...She didn't deserve to live."

"She didn't deserve to die!" Lucius roared pointing his wand at Peter again. "She deserved everything. She was different from the others. He was supposed to kill the baby. He was supposed to kill the evidence. Not both of them. Why? Why?" 

Lucius took a deep breath, trying to control himself. He couldn't let himself fall apart. She was after all, the perfect example of everything he was supposed to be against. However, somehow he had fallen in love with her and nothing else mattered. And now, she was dead. The only one alive was _Harry Potter_.Lucius detested him. He was evidence of the marriage between Lily and James and when he looked at Harry all he could see was Potter making love to _his_ Lily. Touching and kissing _his_ Lily. 

Peter backed up into the wall, looking desperately around for an escape route. "He...The Lord...Sir he felt like you were becoming too attached to the girl. He couldn't risk his best Death Eater going over to their side...Sir...you must trust his judgement."

Lucius walked forward, his wand trained on Peter's neck. "And you must trust that I know how to use this. Lily and my child are dead. And for your stupidity in not telling me his plans earlier, I will kill you. I will make you scream. I will--"

"Lucius! Is it true? Is it true?" Narcissa burst in the front door, a worried look painted on her perfect face. A blonde baby Draco was in her arms. "Is he really gone?"

Lucius turned, pushing himself away from Peter. Narcissa stopped walking. 

"What are you doing?" she asked slowly. Lucius said nothing. "What were you doing to him? Our Lord is dead and you're turning on the only people that will be able to bring him back?" 

Narcissa walked to Peter's side and took his hand, leading him away from Lucius. "What has gotten into you Lucius? You're acting very strangely. The Potters are finally dead and our Lord may be lost forever. Are you out of your mind?"

Lucius stared at the floor, his eyes still flashing angrily. "Neither of you have any idea what you're doing," he spoke finally through clenched teeth. "You have no idea what's important in this world and one day that will kill you both."

Narcissa said nothing. Peter whimpered softly. 

"I have to...I have to go..." Peter said, still shaking. "I have to assemble the others. We will get our Lord back. This is not the end." He let go of Narcissa's hand and started for the door. 

In a final fit of anger Lucius raised his wand and pointed it at Peter's descending back. 

"_Crucio!_" he bellowed and he watched, almost smiling as Peter fell to the ground twitching uncontrollably. Narcissa gasped and hugged Draco tightly to her. 

"Don't try and contact me," Lucius spat out as he Disapparated. 

****************

Lucius stared out at the lake that surrounded Hogwarts. He wanted so badly to be in the school, to visit the places where he and Lily first met, first kissed, first made love but he knew he couldn't Apparate into the school grounds. And he couldn't just walk up to the gates either, as no one would ever let him in. 

So he sat on the outside just watching the school. The school that contained all his memories, his secrets, the place where it all started. 

And for the second time in his entire life Lucius Malfoy put his head in his hands and wept. Lily was dead. The beautiful fiery flower that captured his heart and thoughts since the moment he first saw her was gone and he'd never be able to get her back. 

__

It's all my fault, he thought. _If only I'd never become a Death Eater. If only I had given up my family - a family I don't even care for. If I'd stood up to them and not received the mark, Voldemort wouldn't have needed to go after Lily in order to kill our baby. And if the rumours are true and the only one still alive is Harry, then I will one day be destined to kill him for he's a reminder that James had Lily and I was the one that killed her. He's a reminder that their 'love' was stronger than ours. _

Lucius continued to sit on the bank of the lake between the trees, weeping. He didn't know how long he was there for but when the fireworks started over the lake at Hogwarts he knew the fears of the Death Eaters were confirmed. Voldemort had been defeated. Lucius pulled up the sleeve of his robe to where the Dark Mark had nearly disappeared. It was the only consolation to this terrible night.

Drying his eyes and putting his hard, emotionless mask back on, Lucius made a vow then and there. Never again would he fall in love. Never again would he care for someone so deeply that he'd reach this point again. He would follow in his father's footsteps and he wouldn't care who he stepped on. He would never let himself be hurt again. It was time to wake up from the dream world he was living in. It was time to become a Malfoy again. 

****************


End file.
